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SO right now i'm waiting for my Dad to get back from wherever the hell he is with my truck. Sigh* It's only fair i mean He pays for my Gas, Payment, and Insurance. So I can't really argue although he even said it was mine. It's ok thought but not really because I'm supposed to go over to Flick's. What a bummer. Oh well. I'll live I suppose. Today was my first day working again in 5 months man I fell like such a spoiled brat ebcause i've been leeching off my parents getting 100 bucks a week and gas ontop of that. But today I made about 250 in 4 hours not bad it really could have been better though next weekend i'll be working again hopefully working both days i'll make 900. I really shoudl save my money but i'm such an Impulsive buyer especially when it comes to food. Don't take me to the groecery or gast station or enything. If I have money even though I'm not hungry I'll go buy some food from somewhere or I'll just buy some clothes for absoloutley no reason. I'm like that, I think it's because of my dad really he's spoiled me into the fact that don't be cheap you get what you pay for and share your money don't be stingy. And hence I'm not stingy at all with my money if my friends need a few dollars I'll spot them or if we go out to eat or somethign i'll just pay for them. I guess it's pretty much because of the culture that I'm part of. lol my dad is always laughs at the "white people" he says look at them making things all complicated by paying for each others meal. See us mexicans if we say let's go to dinner or eat the person that invites pays for it. It is very true because I can't remember the last time at our tables has there been more than one check either my dad pays for everyone or somone else that invited. I remember once in Nashville we were there to visit some family we all went out to eat and we went to stockyards restaurant (comparable to Ruth's Chriss steakhouse most likley better because famous ppl go there). There in Nashville we all got our food I was like dang it's expensive here. My dad whispered in my ear theres no food to expensive food is food and the body needs it. The check was for 600 dollars! My dad reached in his wallet and took out 6 100 dollar bills and laid them on the table! Hmm that isn't the first time. We've been to Ruth's Chriss steakhouse a few times already Our bill comes to 200+ dollars. My dad doesn't care really him and I have a passion for Fine foods lol. I just can't help it really it's how i've been raised. So anyways let's get back to what I was talkign about so yeah my dog Bella is back at my house fromt he farm I'm gonna take her to get her shots tomorrow and on tuesday to get a bath and get her nails trimmed haha it's hilarious because she's a farm dog that's where we keep her is out our farm. lol it's about time she got pampered. I remember when I found her at douglas hills park she was soo small she was such a cute puppy she had a pink collar and was just so small awww.(making my other side sick) she ran up to me and jumped on me just about knocked me over I thought she was gonna bite me or something lol. I found her and tried so hard to put her into an adoption center but I guess it was just not meant to be since I thought my parents wouldn't let me keep her I kept her around friends' houses for awhile until they got sick of her. Alas my friends' parents didn't wanna keep her anymore and the Adoption center always had no room. SO I didn't know what to do soo I drove up to our farm south of shelbyville and dropped her off there and next day after schoool I would come and see her. A few days later my parents discovered her heh..I thought I was in for it but they absoloutley adored her haha she was cute and she was a playful dog she fit perfectly in with the farm because she played with the horses all the time lol soo we just kept her! allright dangit I totally got off the subject.Damnit I forgot what I was talkign about oh well when I remember I'll make an entry for it. later!

I don't know what's been going on. It's like life is slipping through my fingers I keep thinking back and reminicsing over my mistakes and what I could have done to make it better. I fear that being as callow as I have been has put me in this situation. thinking back that is.... resenting somethings. How I wish I had spoken up so many times, How I wish it hadn't gone awry, and how I wish I should have taken the other route. It's Irony and faith put together I conclude. Maybe somethings were not meant to be hence this is where I stand now. Thinking on all these things that I have done I feel the consequences I face now are because of me and solely me. If this is true then I must move forward and put the past aside. However I can't help but think back. I live in the past and in the past is where I'll always live I presume. If I continue with this there will be no good future while I live in the past. Therefore I must not ask ,If, but how and learn from this, I doubt I'll ever learn. The saying goes....... stubborn as a mule and I'm pretty damn well a mule I wont budge and I'll hold a grudge till the end. I've concluded that I dream and don't believe, but a dream is something that you aspire but with me I dream of the past. Is my past filled with so many memories of guilt, sorrow, desperation, and emptiness? No it can't be... But an aurora of emptiness...has... it's consuming me and I can't stop it..... I feel this feeling is coming back from a reoccurring event similar to one that i'm going through now. If this is to be true then I will lose to this emptiness that will plague me ravingly once again. I fear it because it is true and wish nothing of it. I cannot stop this emptiness...because....I wont speak up.

Yeah I love the weekends especially this one it was nothing short of the word FUN. I was right about having a chance when I meet new girls it's inevitable great charm great looks I'm bound to meet somone new lmao wow what am I talking about I sound like such a conceded jerk. Oh well.
Friday was pretty kewl it was cold and raining however I went off to the tailgating party at Eastern which no doubt was kewl because it was the homecoming game.Sad that my Bestfriend Marteize wasn't playing oh well he would have had a great game, I left at halftime because the score was 20-0 so I knew they were gonna win.Anyways so I left and went to Flicks house which I might add was pretty kewl. I was dissapointed though that there wasn't any pizza. It doesn't matter because she made up for it lol. So yeah it was pretty fun chillin with her. My friend Caitlyn and Kandice called me to go chill with them because it was Caitlyn's B-day I was really excited about it because I hadn't seen kandice in forever, her and Caitlyn are soo "tight", I was looking forward to seeing them both and the fact that it was Caitlyn's sweet 16. After I left Flicks however it was a bummer they couldn't go out and I was dissapointed about that and I mean I really was bummed out. They pretty much let me down heh soo you could say that I was pretty ticked off at them because at the last minute they couldn't do anything.Oh well I'll live. Soo I pick up Tez and we go to Waffle House (my weekend Nighttime Hangout). then that was the end of that night. Now last night (Saturday)was a friggin blast. Late as always I got to O'Charleys for the dinner before the homecoming dance. I looked real nice in my suit and I do mean really. Soo since I was so late me and Tez get there 5 minutes later the limo comes in. It was pretty kewl because it was an excursion limo ofcourse we came into eastern making a flashy entrance me coming out of it first just looking at all those ppl and thinking yeeeeeeah dude I'm hot. Lmfao ok enough of the ego boost so it was 18 of us we make a grand entrance everybody looking at me....Only thing missing was a date dissapointing really because alot of ppl were like uuuh where's your date and I just told them I'd rather came with no date that way I'm not obligated to dance with one person. Ofcourse,I was right not having a date let me go out and dance whoever I wanted with. As a matter o fact I met this one girl there at the dance I think her name was kyle or something like that She was pretty damn cute, one of my friends stephanie was dancing with them soo I used that as an excuse to go over and start dancing with her lol. I later went outside because one of my friends needed some "backing up". Apparently this guy Tyler Hoff was gonna fight my friend Justin Vaught. OK this guy Tyler is a real punk he knows he can't fight so he gets all his "friends" or should I say the
"K Y BOYS". Some Wannabe Gang I'll talk about them later. soo I back my friend Justin up it all goes down it takes 6 of us to take these punks down seriously. One of them tries to run up on me and I knock his ass down then police come everyone scatters and I leave to the limo. hehehe that was pretty damn fun. Anyways we're all chillin in the limo I have alotta fun i'm chillin oh and Nichol just so happened to be there (my ex) we went out like 3 weeks ago. She got a new B/F but I knew for sure she wouldn't forget about me that quick ~.^ heh, tsk tsk tsk shame on her. ppl shouldn't cheat on ppl. sigh* she broke up with her old b/f for me. So we went to the Water Front jamming to the music we like swinging life away like teens should. Went to the Waterfront park chilled there went to wendy's got some food and had a kick ass time. Saturday night was a blast and I most definatley wont forget that night!

So I spill my guts out once more because I never talk about my Feelings I wanna talk about so much but theres soo little I can say because of my circumstances.The topic really what I'm trying to get to is girls. Damn it's unbeleavable what's happened this past week. Not only are my parents gone for the whole week and leave me in charge of the business which puts me through so much stress. An adding factor is girls. It's really unfrekinbeleavable. Could I just once get the girl I want and not go through so much stress and drama. Is that so much to ask for? It's funny because this has happened with the last 10 girls that I have met most of them I didn't really like that much. only 2 i've really actually liked. I tried pretty hard with those 2 girls and It ended up to be nothing. Wow then other girls ask me why am I single. I ask my self that question too. It's Irony really the less I tried with those other 8 girls the more they liked me. The more I tried with those 2 girls the less they liked me. makes me think that being "nice" doesn't work. I could give the girl that I "love" anything in the world or atleast I woudl try to. I want a girl that I woudl care about the same way I would her. Somone I could relate too, Somone that I have in common. But you know what Fuck it I'm sure theres other girls i'll meet they might nott be like those previous girls but still they'll be other ppl and they'll be another chance I have. I'm just sooo Sick of drama I have it everywhere I go. I thought I would leave it all behind leaving Eastern but then more of it finds me at my new school. Drama is all I can define my previous week. Didn't get the girl I liked but you know what? Theres hope with other girls even if it wasn't her. Possibly somone else closer to me than I think......

OK dude wtf? I must be really retarted or something. Yesterday I hung out with Jessica and well she had these Zoloft pills she takes, I thought hmm I wonder if that stuff really works. So I asked her to give me one and she was very hesitant at first.She warned me that I would get sick and prolly puke.I was like man that couldn't happen to me I bet this stuff is like a Caffeine pill.I told her if she gave me a coke it would have the same effects. Eventually she gave in to my charismatic persuasion skills (I begged) lol.Anyways I took it, to my demise she was right. I couldn't believe it Jessica was actually right for once! Dude I felt like crap the rest of the day I wasn't even "happy" I was just sick. The whole time I thought this crap doesn't work it just makes ppl think it does work for them.Yeah see I thought I had a valid argument and Jessica was smart because I assume she wanted me to shut up and make me learn the hard way instead of taking the good advice... Sigh* I'm stubborn but hey we all need our stubborn people in this world right?Or maybe i'm just a dumbass.

FuK Girls, Girls girls girls are always a problem. Damnit could I not have drama for once? I mean seriously damnit.

Ok while I'm typing this I've drank the equivalent of 40 cups of coffe within the past 26 hours. Yes my eye seems to be twitching my hand seems to be shaking and I have this uncontrollable cold sweat... WTF?!!?!?! COFFEE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND!I CANT EVEN SPELL CAFFEIN!.(breathing heavily 10 times in a row).
Ok I'm a little calm now. let me start with yesterday after school I get this call from one of my Dad's employees he said that he needed to get to Charleston South Carolina because his brother is there and doesn't have money a place to stay or food to eat and needed to get him and come to louisville.I was like ok... but then my face lit up when he said that he was gonna pay me $600 dollars, Pay for the Gas and My food. I was like allright!!! I thought hey that sounds easy enough all I gotta do is drive and sit on my ass for $600. Then I thought school... crap. But then my dad called me and told me about it like his employee did and he said go for it so I was hyped! Heh I honestly thought it was easy. Yeah except I had to drive through the Applachian mts through winding roads,Raining, and Truckers packing the road. Oh yeah then it got around 2 a.m At this point i'm Somewhere in North Carolina passing up the mts, then this big huuuge sleepiness struck me I thought oh crap I think i'm gonna pass out because those drinks were wearing off (I had those Double shot espressos from Starbucks). So I had a huuuuuuge rush then a huuuuuuge down. SO i stopped at the gas station and got more. And More.And more. And More. And more.
Ok so when we got to Charleston I was almost out, I thought we were gonna be in a hotel or something to my Demise all we came to do is pick up his Brother and drive back to louisville. It's 6 a.m at that point my eyes were getting red I hadn't shaved and I didn't have a tooth brush or deoderant. ( I've been up for about 24 hours and have been driving for about 12 non stop except for gas).Right now I was regreting ever doing this....I wish thinking man i could be waking up in about 2 hours had a 10 hour sleep or something if u had chosen to stay and go to school. But nooooo I had to take the money didn't I.Well anyways on the way back i was more awake because it was day light and the fact that before we left i had about 4 more of those damn espresso cans. The view was awesome on the way back around the mts. Except for a few times that i think i really did fall asleep for maybe 10 seconds....I saw alot of nasty looking accidents on this trip Most of the that had just occured sooo the whole time i was thinking what if i had left like 10 minutes later?!?! Sooo Finally I'm home after a 24 hour drive. yay!!! I'm sooo wired on caffein i'll probably not go to school tomorrow yay a two day break.... sigh* atleast i have $600 dollars... Right. I have wayy more things to talk about but I think the caffein is wearing off and i'm seeing more red colors than ordinary colors. Sooo i'm gonna go off to bed.

Well I just got home....It's 1:58 in the A.M and I have alot of things on my mind I'll save most of it for later really but right now thought I'm wondering about girls. I always want to be able to read a girls mind so I'll know what she thinks of me but honestly who wouldn't.I don't know what to think of them really. I feel like I get mixed signals all the time but in a sense I don't need the mind reading capability because I believe I have just about 85 percent of them figured out. I'll discuss this in a later entry I could go on forever about girls.

Anyways tonight was ok I mean I hung out with Marteize for once in awhile and we did one of the favirote things that me and him like to do in the fall and that's go to haunted houses.I was glad that Kelly was with me since I haven't hung out with her in a long time, I really did miss hanging out with her and I had fun but after we went into the Haunted House she was really upset about something. I couldn't figure why she was upset maybe she'll tell me later on for sure. I just felt really bad because I was having fun and she was upset,I wanted to cheer her up cuz I care about her you know since she's my friend and all, we ended up going to the park and we chilled on the swings I started pushing her on the swing and I guess she was having fun because she then didn't seem upset at all. It was quite a few of us there but eventually we had to go. I dropped kelly off, afterwards I headed over to Heathers house where Tez was. There wasn't much to do there except watch T.V and watch Tez and Heather argue about dumb stuff and snuggle togther....heh you get the idea. Oh that girl Maddie was there heh she seemed kind of out of it though I guess maybe because it was past her bed time, that was until her boyfriend called her or she called him,then later I dunno but I think she was on drugs because she thought she could intimidate me by saying she was gonna break my nose.I thought that was funny cuz I could probably blow my breath on her and she'll fall down Haha, sigh* I crack myself up.The whole time I was there I tried texting Kelly to cheer her up and all. I guess it's good to know that I'm a shoulder ppl can cry on.I tried calling my friend Kristy but my phone started acting up again as usual (I hate Sprint because of Sprint my Nextel phone doesn't work right anymore). Afterwards though Tez and I left Dropped him home and now I'm here writing a Two page essay about tonight.

Wow I can't believe I have a Live Journal now. I guess it's not that bad I mean now I can pour out my feelings in this journal right. Wish I could talk about everything that's happened this past week but you know it would take forever to put down all the interesting things that I did. I'm guessing I'll start with yesterday. Yesterday I didn't feel like going to school because I had gotten home real late the night before since I was with my friends they didn't have school the next day but I did since I go to South Oldham Co. High school. So I thought since my friends aren't going to school then I wouldn't either.Anyways, I woke up earlier than I had anticipated kind of a bummer because I was expecting to sleep till 12 in the afternoon but that didn't happen.So my parents were gone and I was home alone.I get a call from my friend Kelly I was surprised because she never calls me and vice versa. She called me and wanted to hang out and I said sure we went to eat at wendy's then I dropped her back home and picked her up again later on and we both went to the mall. It was great that me and her we're hanging out again like this past summer heh I call her Maria since she's a white mexican(not really). We hung out at the mall and I bought some of that Drift cologne from Hollister (that stuff is great) her mom came and then after that I left to go Pick up Victoria, Marian, and Katie to head out at the game in Shelby Co. It was a bummer to see my friends lose yet again, I felt that I should have been there with them but that wasn't the case I was the only Senior there along with Katie until Heather showed up with her bunch. I had a laugh because this girl Maddie had brought this dinosour thing and was talking through it. I wanted to crack up sooo bad because I thought that was hilarious, but you know "maturity" kicked in so I tried staying cool. It's kind of weird because maddie and I have alot in common, never thought I would meet a person here in KY that likes alot of the same things as me and is from the same place as me.I don't know her that well we haven't hung out or anything but she seems pretty kewl.Heh, anyways soo I was cold and I was seeing my friends lose.I left 2 minutes before the game ended. On the way back it was Stephanie, Victoria, Marian, Katie, and me. For some reason I was jamming to disney music....We got to Eastern then went to waffle house I left and got back to Eastern to meet up with all mah guy friends (football players I used to play at eastern for 3 years until I switched to South Oldham.)So all of my friends are in the football team. we then went to Sonic chilled there and I dropped all the girls home.Later that night I picked up Quirk from aaron's house and we went over to Stephanie redmans,he was all over Natalie and I was just chillin pretty much watching a live porno with Stephanie and Lindsey. Quirk owed me big time he's lucky I think about my friends first because apparently this girl at my school called me and wanted me to come over (just me). By the time we got out of there it was almost 3:30 a.m me and quirk went over to waffle house, to my surprise this really cute waitress was working there that i had never seen before, she might have thought I was drunk because It was 4 a.m and I was hitting on her, it was going good until I found out she hd a Girl Friend. lol, I have no luck with girls. She said she started working there every friday night. So I'll be back next Friday after the game and see if I can get her to go somewhere with me. I have a little saying for older girls it goes like this, Age ain't nuttin but a number ~.^. After waffle house I dropped quirk off went home and hit the bed.